Monday, September 28, 2015

No Longer Lost

For most of my life I felt as if I'd wandered about aimlessly... lost in a world I didn't quite fit. As a child, I had difficulty making friends. Constantly relocating didn't help any. I never had the chance to put down my roots and feel stability or be grounded. Raised in a cult environment didn't help either.

I was lost.

Writing has been a major factor in discovering myself. I used to write a lot growing up - I learned how to read and write before starting school. I've always loved the power words can have... even if I haven't always loved the misuse of that power from others.

The year 2010 was particularly hard for me. I'd lost 3 family members within 3 months... including one of our sons. During this time, I turned to writing. I wrote and it took hold of me. I poured myself into the words and they flowed freely.

What happened?

I wrote the 1st draft of my first novel - approx. 75,000 words - in 3 weeks! I couldn't stop there. I had more in me bursting to come out. So, I wrote more. By the time I'd started the 4th book in the series - about 2-3 months later, I decided to go back and do edits and revisions.

The result?

I published my first novel, Tunuftol's Fortress of Light, on 12-12-12. (Had to make it easy to remember) The following year I published several more books - including books 2 & 3 in the Tunuftol series. By the end of 2013 I had 19 books published.

Then what?

I lost focus. I allowed other things to pull me from writing. I burned out and crashed hard. My blog became about other people and

I lost myself. I had a full load of reviews on top of life's usual obstacles and I stopped writing. I didn't write a word for myself in over a year. 2014 was the year I lost the glimpse of purpose I'd found in writing.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad! I did a lot of research, contemplation, and meditation. I studied what caught my interest and learned a lot about myself. But I still felt a vague lost and empty feeling.

This year I picked up my pen again, as it were. Most of my writing is on the computer, but not all. I have several projects I'm working on. I published two new picture books and I'm almost finished a YA ShortBook by Snow Flower, Sassi Kay. (To be released as a Christmas order)

Still, I've struggled with a feeling of being incomplete... lost in my soul. 

After two months of riding an emotional rollercoaster, I'm proud to say I'm no longer lost. I feel whole, full, loved, strong, confident, and empowered. I know who I am, what I have to offer and what my purpose in life is.

Feeding souls with words.

I have always put part of myself into my words. It's my passion... how can I NOT put myself into it? But now I know the power I hold with my words and what I must do with them. By sharing part of myself, I can help empower others. I can provide comfort, connections, and escape. I can build people up and show them that they are NOT alone in this universe. There is someone else out there that understands and appreciates you.

I am no longer lost. Join me and perhaps you can find yourself as well.

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